"everyone goes through this"

She says I just need to change the way I am looking at things. Stop eating so much sugar (I'm completely addicted). Start taking better care of my body and then things will start to look better. Everyone goes through a time in their life where things are hard and not the way they expected or wanted. People go to jail for years, people get cancer and are sick for years. This doesn't mean I can't one day be happy.

Never mind that most people would look at me and think that this is all my fault. I've wasted all my good opportunities, to make something of myself. I didn't have to work and pay for school myself. But soon my father will retire and won't be able to support me the way he has been. I've wasted all this time. It is a big deal that I'm no where near being able to move out. I can't even stand the idea of speaking to people. I feel inferior to everyone I know.

No, I just need to stop comparing myself to my cousins, all finished their degree, most pursuing grad school. I shouldn't compare myself to all the people I went to high school with who are getting married and starting their careers and writing about their amazing experiences teaching in Korea and partying with all their friends and enjoying their lives. It doesn't matter that I got better marks than them, that I was expected to do so much more. I shouldn't think about how pathetic I am compared to them now.

No, I need to compare myself to the people who have been laying in hospital beds and in jail cells. Compared to them I am doing just fine. And for this I should be grateful.

Thanks mom, I feel much better now.

I wish I did have cancer. At least I'd have an "acceptable" excuse to give people. Instead my father tells people he works with that I'm considering teachers college. He acts as if nothing is wrong. He can't tell anyone the truth. It's too embarrassing. I'm an embarrassment.