Fear

I am afraid that it will never get better. I am afraid I will never be able to do all the things I dream of. I am afraid that I will never feel strong enough to even do simple things like go to work five days a week. There have been few, brief periods of my life that I was able to work or go to school consistently. I am afraid that I will never be able to take care of myself financially. Or I will manage to work, but will not be able to finish the schooling to get a job I will actually enjoy. I am afraid I will end up angry and bitter. I have been spoiled. I don't know how I will adjust to having to support myself. I am afraid that for some unknown reason, things won't work out with him. I worry we will change, we will fight, that I won't be good enough, that he will be like everyone else and just get frustrated and angry with me.

I'm afraid I will never truly be happy. It scares me so much, that I crawl into bed and hide under the covers and can only find comfort in pretending that nothing is real, I am not here, it is all a dream and soon I will wake up to my real, perfect existence.