Appointment #1

I have my first appointment in 2 and a half hours.
I don't want to go.

I'm scared it will be pointless. I'm scared I won't like the counselor. I don't know what I will say. I don't know if anything will help. Part of me has already given up so much that it seems silly to go.

Last week I saw the Dr who would prescribe me medication if I decide to take it. I said that sometimes I feel like there is no point in trying, so I would be less likely to take medication because I don't believe there is a point in doing anything. She said I need to make the decision to let them help me. If they said that to me today, I'd probably say, "forget it, I don't want help" and walk out.

I don't know what I want. I'm just sick of feeling like this.